This Was Probably a Bad Idea
by Evilkitten3
Summary: A group chat was probably a bad idea, and they definitely should've known better. It's too late now, though. In which Iida makes a group chat, and the kids learn that the world is a complicated place filled with complicated people.
1. The Nightmare Begins

**AN: Okay, honestly, there are a million other things I should be working on, but… I really wanted to write a BNHA chatfic. So here's this, I guess. No idea how long I want it to be, so updates will probably be sporadic (just like every other story I've ever written). Also, quick heads up – I do not intend to stick to the conventions that you might expect in a story like this one. This is my story, and I want it to be something that's uniquely** ** _mine_** **. Don't expect the ships you'd usually see, don't expect the jokes and plot points you'd usually see. You've been warned. That said, please enjoy and let me know what you think! Kitty out.**

 **Title** : This Was Probably A Bad Idea

 **Summary** : A group chat was probably a bad idea, and they definitely should've known better. It's too late now, though. In which Iida makes a group chat, and the kids learn that the world is a complicated place filled with complicated people.

 **Characters** : Everyone

 **Pairings** : Don't know, don't care

 **Warnings** : Bad jokes, mentions of serious things every now and then, I'll try to stick to English memes for the sake of the readers but there might be a couple Japanese memes, weird headcanons, and more bad jokes

 **REALLY IMPORTANT WARNING** : This is not your average chatfic. This is not a silly story – there are silly moments, yes, but ultimately what I'm doing is using a humorous format to discuss some pretty serious topics, especially ones that I frequently see handled poorly in fanfiction (or fiction in general). I'm going to try to start off light-hearted, but I need you to be aware that this story will have moments that are going to be unpleasant. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, feel free to backspace out of here. I won't judge you for it. That said, some moments are going to make you uncomfortable, and that is one hundred percent intentional. You don't have to keep reading, as I said, but if you do, I hope you take what I'm saying into account and maybe learn a thing or two. I am not trying to be preachy or whatever, but there are some things I need to vent about, and this is how I've chosen to do it. Warnings will be provided at the beginning of each chapter, and will be added to the tags whenever they appear. _Proceed with caution_.

Chat Names:

Midoriya – SMASHmouth & SMASHbinch

Uraraka – Urararock

Iida – Iidaho

Bakugou – 420BlazeIt

Kirishima – Dwayne Johnson

Kaminari – dank(i) memes

Ashido – Bubblegum Binch

Sero – serohno

Jirou – Less Bien

Asui – Ribbinch

Hagakure – Invisibinch

Todoroki – Five Peepee Man

Kouda – Ultimate Cinnabun

Mineta – Minoodle

Satou – cook the kiss

Aoyama – twinkle twunkle little star

Yaoyorozu – Yaoyoroppai & Yaoyorocha

Ojiro – Wax On, Jack Off

Tokoyami – Tara

Shouji – Tentacoolio

Camie – #LitBeeyatch

Chapter One – The Nightmare Begins

 **-Group Chat created-**

 **Iida** : Fellow classmates!

 **Ojiro** : what have you done

 **Hagakure** : ooh, group chat! :D

 **Iida** : Indeed! After everything that's happened over the past year or so, I thought we could use a place to relax!

 **Bakugou** : dis shit be lit

 **Midoriya** : Kacchan?

 **-Bakugou has added Utsushimi to the chat-**

 **Bakugou** : lol no way

 **-Bakugou has changed names-**

 **Todoroki** : his phone was stolen

 **420BlazeIt** : I hate this world and everyone in it

 **420BlazeIt** : how do i fix this wtf

 **Utsushimi** : 1 sec fam

 **-Utsushimi has changed names-**

 **#LitBeeyatch** : yo what up u.a.

 **420BlazeIt** : i am going to murder you

 **#LitBeeyatch** : nah u love me lol

 **Todoroki** : oh no wait pllndslanflsaf

 **Midoriya** : ?

 **-Todoroki has changed names -**

 **Five Peepee Man** : this is my life now

 **420BlazeIt** : kdslnfdnsfldshg

 **420BlazeIt** : ok yeah I love you

 **#LitBeeyatch** : told u

 **Kirishima** : owo what's this

 **Kirishima** : hang on one sec

 **-Kirishima has changed names-**

 **Dwayne Johnson** : owo what's this

 **420BlazeIt** : this is camie she's amazing

 **Uraraka** : who and how

 **#LitBeeyatch** : i made fun of todoroki lmao

 **420BlazeIt** : it was beautiful

 **-Ashido has changed names-**

 **-Kaminari has changed names-**

 **-Jirou has changed names-**

 **-Sero has changed names-**

 **Bubblegum Binch** : bakusquad assemble!

 **dank(i) memes** : yo does the squad have a new member

 **420BlazeIt** : if she's not in the squad then there isn't a squad

 **#LitBeeyatch** : sure fam i'll be in ur squad

 **Less Bien** : welcome to the squad i guess

 **serohno** : when did you join?

 **Less Bien** : i have no idea i just woke up here

 **-Uraraka has changed names-**

 **Iida** : oh no

 **Urararock** : ohhhhh yes

 **Dwayne Johnson** : hey! idea thief

 **Urararock** : go cry about it

 **Dwayne Johnson** : maybe i will ;^;

 **Less Bien** : class cinnabuns bout to throw down

 **-Kouda has changed names -**

 **Ultimate Cinnabun** : :'(

 **Less Bien** : 2/3 class cinnabuns bout to throw down

 **Ultimate Cinnabun** : ^_^

 **-Iida has changed names-**

 **Iidaho** : Hagakure! It is inappropriate to use your Quirk to steal the belongings of others

 **420BlazeIt** : go pee her pants

 **#LitBeeyatch** : :O

 **Five Peepee Man** : you're a terrible influence on him

 **#LitBeeyatch** : u just jealous

 **Five Peepee Man** : i'm mostly concerned for your safety

 **Five Peepee Man** : you're effectively using him as a pillow

 **420BlazeIt** : it's not her fault that i'm fucking gorgeous

 **#LitBeeyatch** : tru dat

 **Dwayne Johnson** : bakubro do u have a gf?

 **420BlazeIt** : i hang out with a girl and you decide we're fucking? i'm allowed to have friends of multiple genders

 **Bubblegum Binch** : tbh i'm just amazed he's capable of admitting he has friends

 **420BlazeIt** : wtf?

 **420BlazeIt** : when the hell have i ever denied having friends?

 **Bubblegum Binch** : …actually i don't think you ever have my bad

 **-Midoriya has changed names-**

 **Iidaho** : why

 **SMASHmouth** : EVERYONE ELSE WAS DOING IT AND I'M BAD WITH PRESSURE

 **420BlazeIt** : that's the dumbest fucking thing i've ever seen

 **SMASHmouth** : kacchan you say that about everything i do

 **420BlazeIt** : i'm not talking about the things you do

 **420BlazeIt** : just you in general

 **dank(i) memes** : todoroki please come back soon midoriya just got burned

 **SMASHmouth** : maybe but at least it was only a verbal burn, not a physical one

 **SMASHmouth** : this time

 **Urararock** : bakugou's gonna need some ice too

 **-Hagakure has changed names-**

 **Invisibinch** : mina we da binch squad

 **Bubblegum Binch** : hell yeah binch

 **-Asui has changed names-**

 **Ribbinch** : can i be in the squad

 **Bubblegum Binch** : here comes dat binch!

 **Ribbinch** : o shit waddup

 **-Mineta has changed names-**

 **Minoodle** : this was all i could think of

 **Ribbinch** : …seriously?

 **Minoodle** : i was hungry! and also i was eating noodles

 **Minoodle** : bc i was hungry

 **Five Peepee Man** : now i'm hungry

 **SMASHmouth** : you're always hungry

 **Five Peepee Man** : well you're always thirsty

 **Five Peepee Man** : i think you've stared at literally everybody's ass at some point

 **Minoodle** : even mine?

 **SMASHmouth** : leave my lonely pansexual ass alone

 **Less Bien** : i didn't even know mineta had an ass

 **Minoodle** : i know that was supposed to be a burn

 **Minoodle** : but i also didn't know i had an ass

 **Ribbinch** : better hurry up with that ice todoroki

 **Iidaho** : Actually! Cold water is generally better for burns than ice is.

 **Five Peepee Man** : i was gonna say that

 **Five Peepee Man** : eventually

 **Five Peepee Man** : because i definitely already knew that obviously

 **-Tokoyami has changed names-**

 **-Shouji has changed names-**

 **Tara** : i don't know what's going on but it looks like a disaster

 **Tentacoolio** : please send help

 **SMASHmouth** : ?

 **Minoodle** : lmao shouji what's up

 **Tentacoolio** : he's reading my immortal and he's making me read with him

 **Tara** : he questioned my goffickness

 **Less Bien** : jfc this is the third time this month

 **#LitBeeyatch** : starkits prophecy was better

 **Tara** : u take that back u prep bitch

 **#LitBeeyatch** : lmao u wish

 **Urararock** : do i want to know?

 **Ribbinch** : no

 **Urararock** : ok i trust you

 **Bubblegum Binch** : we can always trust our froggy friends

 **Ribbinch** : last week ashido drank apple cider, thought it was alcohol, and tricked herself into thinking she was drunk

 **Bubblegum Binch** : WE CAN NEVER TRUST OUR FROGGY FRIENDS

 **-Yaoyorozu has changed names-**

 **Yaoyoroppai** : excUSE

 **Iidaho** : MINETA!

 **Minoodle** : it wasn't me!

 **Minoodle** : i mean i approve but it wasn't me

 **Less Bien** : :3c

 **Iidaho** : My apologies, Mineta.

 **Iidaho** : JIROU!

 **-Yaoyorozu has changed names-**

 **Yaoyorocha** : Much better.

 **Urararock** : …

 **Yaoyorocha** : What? I like tea.

 **Urararock** : that sounds like our ship name tbh

 **Dwayne Johnson** : it kinda does lol

 **dank(i) memes** : no? it doesn't?

 **dank(i) memes** : it's yaomomo's surname and your first that's not how ship names work

 **Less Bien** : yeah it would be like momocha, momoocha, ochamomo, yaoraraka, yaoura, urayao, yaoyoraka, urarozu, or something like that

 **Yaoyorocha** : why is this something you think about

 **SMASHmouth** : because it's adorable? i just want my bestie to be happy

 **Urararock** : 3

 **SMASHmouth** : 3

 **Aoyama** : then perhaps you should date her, mon ami

 **SMASHmouth** : i can't i'm too busy staring at everyone's asses

 **Five Peepee Man** : can confirm

 **-Satou has changed names-**

 **cook the kiss** : is midoriya being thirsty again

 **Tara** : yup

 **Urararock** : yeah

 **Aoyama** : so it would seem

 **-Aoyama has changed names-**

 **twinkle twunkle little star** : but who is this camie?

 **Minoodle** : remember the girl that flashed midoriya during the license test but then it turned out that wasn't really her but an imposter from the league? well this is the real one and she's friends with bakugou somehow

 **twinkle twunkle little star** : …oh yes that explains it

 **#LitBeeyatch** : yo what up

 **Ribbinch** : dis boi

 **Ribbinch** : dat boi

 **Ribbinch** : DAB BOI

 **Five Peepee Man** : isn't that the fire guy from the league?

 **Urararock** : sfniosdhfalkhfne

 **Urararock** : yes

 **SMASHmouth** : i thought his name was jknsflbsagdo;

 **SMASHmouth** : yes that was it i will never disagree with uraraka again because she is the nlgwb;wul

 **SMASHmouth** : r u d e

 **Urararock** : that's what you get binch

 **SMASHmouth** : …

 **-SMASHmouth has changed names-**

 **SMASHbinch** : :)

 **Invisibinch** : only one left

 **Ojiro** : no

 **serohno** : everyone else is doing it dude

 **Ojiro** : if everyone else jumped off a bridge

 **Ojiro** : no don't answer that

 **Ojiro** : the answer's still no

 **Invisibinch** : shit he locked his door

 **420BlazeIt** : maybe bc he knows you

 **Ultimate Cinnabun** : :)))))))

 **-Ojiro has changed names-**

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : how and why

 **Less Bien** : holy shit

 **Ultimate Cinnabun** : :))))))

 **cook the kiss** : it's always the quiet ones

 **AN: I hope you enjoyed this absolute disaster! Don't worry, things aren't going to get angsty for a bit. I really do want this to be mostly light-hearted, so I'm going to try and limit the serious stuff. That said, it will be there. Anyway, thank you so much for reading, and please let me know what you thought! Kitty out.**


	2. The Shinsou Factor

**AN: Real quick – some of y'all might not like this chapter. It's not particularly dark or anything, but it does criticize a really common trope a bit harshly. This isn't directed at the people who like that trope or the stories they write involving it, it's just the way I feel about the trope itself. Thanks for reading, and please let me know what you think! Kitty out.**

Chat Names:

Midoriya – SMASHbinch

Uraraka – Urararock

Iida – Iidaho

Bakugou – 420BlazeIt

Kirishima – Dwayne Johnson

Kaminari – dank(i) memes

Ashido – Bubblegum Binch

Sero – serohno

Jirou – Less Bien

Asui – Ribbinch

Hagakure – Invisibinch

Todoroki – Five Peepee Man

Kouda – Ultimate Cinnabun

Mineta – Minoodle

Satou – cook the kiss

Aoyama – twinkle twunkle little star

Yaoyorozu – Yaoyorocha

Ojiro – Wax On, Jack Off

Tokoyami – Tara

Shouji – Tentacoolio

Camie – #LitBeeyatch

 **WARNING** : Read the whole chapter before making any assumptions please. It should also be noted that this chapter brings up both physical disabilities and mental illnesses. I plan to go further into this later, but there's some stuff mentioned here. Also, I personally thought this was obvious, but then I remembered that none of you live in my brain (trust me, you're not missing much), so I just want to be clear that I am bringing some of my headcanons into this. Finally, while this probably doesn't apply to _this_ chapter, I'd like to make sure you all know that I am always open to feedback, both positive and negative (if it's negative, I'd prefer constructive criticism). If you have advice or suggestions, that's also fine, though I can't make any promises, especially regarding the latter.

Chapter Two – The Shinsou Factor

 **SMASHbinch** : so i was thinking

 **420BlazeIt** : never a good sign

 **Less Bien** : that's midoriya not kaminari

 **420BlazeIt** : never a good sign

 **#LitBeeyatch** : do u 2 ever get tired of being salty

 **Less Bien** : nope

 **420BlazeIt** : do you ever get tired of people asking you to talk like a normal human being

 **#LitBeeyatch** : lmao

 **SMASHbinch** : ANYWAY

 **SMASHbinch** : you guys remember the sports festival right?

 **420BlazeIt** : unfortunately, yes

 **SMASHbinch** : well… i was thinking, the system is kinda rigged, isn't it?

 **Urararock** : uh… how?

 **SMASHbinch** : remember shinsou?

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : oh, you mean the guy who brainwashed me, aoyama, and that guy from the b class? and you? that guy? him? is that who you're talking about?

 **SMASHbinch** : yeah, him! and he was just trying to win, like everyone else. don't hold it against him.

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : midoriya you're a great guy and all

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : but shut the fuck up

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : what he did was invasive as hell. it wasn't okay no matter how badly he wanted to win.

 **Dwayne Johnson** : but it's his quirk, right? what else is he supposed to do?

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : show some fucking decency? respect the boundaries of others?

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : hagakure's quirk is being invisible, but you don't see her stalking her classmates or pantsing them or whatever. yaoyorozu can make anything she wants, but i don't remember her pulling out a machine gun and shooting people. it's not okay when bakugou uses his quirk to threaten people, and it's definitely not okay to literally take over someone else's brain

 **Yaoyorocha** : i have to agree with ojiro. just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you should.

 **SMASHbinch** : well how else was he going to get into the heroics department?

 **420BlazeIt** : not like that, dimwit

 **420BlazeIt** : everyone here either passed the entrance exam or got a recommendation and then passed _that_ exam. we all earned our spots here, he has to too.

 **SMASHbinch** : but the exam is rigged against people whose quirks aren't suited for combat!

 **Invisibitch** : …

 **Minoodle** : …

 **twinkle twunkle little star** : well the three of us made it just fine

 **Bubblegum Binch** : your quirk is a laser aoyama

 **twinkle twunkle little star** : oui, but i need my belt for it to be useful. i had to fill out a form for the test so i could bring it with me, just like at the festival

 **420BlazeIt** : the test isn't rigged you moron you just need to bring shit with you

 **420BlazeIt** : you do remember who our homeroom teacher is? he literally told us on day one that a hero needed more than one trick up his sleeve. eyebags has one trick that's effective only in very specific situations and is incredibly easy to avoid/break out of.

 **420BlazeIt** : he also appears not to have any actual hand-to-hand combat ability, no gadgets to back him up, and no idea what to do when his quirk fails to solve the problem, which nine out of ten times it probably will

 **420BlazeIt** : on top of that, even if he did manage to become a hero, he wouldn't be able to get very far, because once he got famous enough everyone would know how to deal with him

 **SMASHbinch** : but his quirk would be helpful when rescuing people!

 **420BlazeIt** : did you drink an entire gallon of idiot juice? no, it wouldn't. he has no idea what other people have been through and what their triggers might be, and in situations where there's no time to ask, he could potentially do a lot more harm than good.

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : but even without all that, he's an inconsiderate prick

 **SMASHbinch** : so his social skills aren't great. he's never really had any friends before because everyone always thought he'd brainwash them!

 **Urararock** : deku, didn't he brainwash you? i mean, after your fight was already over. i think he did it twice.

 **SMASHbinch** : he was just trying to prove his point!

 **Less Bien** : which was what, "don't trust people who randomly brainwash others"?

 **SMASHbinch** : no, that i needed to be more careful!

 **Ribbinch** : midoriya, everyone's been telling you that since the dawn of time. and you still aren't as careful as you should be anyway.

 **Iidaho** : Unfortunately, Midoriya, I must agree. There are plenty of heroes without combat-centered quirks! Eraserhead, Midnight, Nedzu, Bubble Girl, Mandalay, and Recovery Girl, for starters!

 **420BlazeIt** : deku, lunch-rush's quirk is literally just making people lunch. and most of those guys are teachers.

 **SMASHbinch** : everyone thought he was a villain though

 **420BlazeIt** : oh boohoo poor little baby

 **420BlazeIt** : people still think i'm gonna be a villain, you don't see me bitching about it

 **Dwayne Johnson** : to be fair, your quirk is pretty well suited for being a hero

 **420BlazeIt** : so the fuck what? you think i was born knowing exactly how to use it? you think if i hadn't spent almost my whole life training my ass off, i'd still be as good as i am right now? yeah, my quirk is awesome. that doesn't mean i didn't have to fucking work to get where i am. and you want eyebags to get into the hero department just because he "really wants it"? fuck off, both of you.

 **Invisibinch** : midoriya, part of being a hero is that you need to make up for your weak points. the school is more than willing to help you do that. and yeah, it is pretty hard sometimes. the entrance exam was terrifying – i really didn't know if i'd pass or not. and unlike mineta and aoyama, i couldn't really use my quirk at all.

 **twinkle twunkle little star** : shinsou isn't special, midoriya. he showed up to challenge our whole class, insulted all of us even though bakugou was the only one saying anything that warranted a harsh response, threatened that one of us would be kicked out of the spot THAT WE'D EARNED, and brainwashed people to literally carry him through the first two events of the sports festival – which as i'm sure you know was not at all pleasant to experience.

 **Tentacoolio** : i'm inclined to agree, honestly. what has he done that would earn him a spot in our class? or the other class, for that matter?

 **SMASHbinch** : if you gave him a chance, then maybe he'd impress you

 **Minoodle** : he had his chance at the entrance exam, like all of us. why should he get another chance when no one else does?

 **SMASHbinch** : he was ostracized!

 **420BlazeIt** : so were you. and you came in seventh on the test.

 **SMASHbinch** : because of my quirk

 **Urararock** : no, because you saved me. rescue points, remember? bakugou was the only person in the top ten who didn't get any

 **420BlazeIt** : yeah cuz i was busy blowing shit up

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : we all heard him whining about how everyone was always afraid that he'd use his quirk on them, but he doesn't seem to have a problem with doing exactly that

 **SMASHbinch** : maybe he thinks that there's no point in not doing it since everyone already thinks that he will

 **420BlazeIt** : people think i'm going to be a villain, so according to Deku Logic™ i guess i should just start killing people

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : if he really wants to be a hero so badly, he can start by fucking apologizing

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : otherwise, he can actually go fuck himself, for all i care

 **twinkle twunkle little star** : ^^^^^

 **420BlazeIt** : ^^^^^

 **SMASHbinch** : i really do think he could be a good hero, though

 **420BlazeIt** : you also thought that being a hero-obsessed nerd with no physical abilities whatsoever would be enough to get you into u.a.

 **SMASHbinch** : whereas you thought that i couldn't do anything to get into u.a.

 **420BlazeIt** : and i stand by that. if your miracle quirk hadn't shown up when it did, you wouldn't fucking be here. you wouldn't have been motivated to exercise, and you probably would've died in the entrance exam

 **Invisibinch** : midoriya, we get that he's sort of your friend, but…

 **Invisibinch** : we can't have him here if we can't trust him. and honestly? i don't think i can

 **#LitBeeyatch** : yo maybe y'all should just talk to him? like tell him everything u just said here. it'll probably hurt his feelings but if he can't see ur point then w/e amiright

 **SMASHbinch** : …i guess.

 **Minoodle** : well… midoriya, you mentioned he was talking to aizawa, right? maybe he already realized some of this! and to be fair, most of us don't really know the guy – he could be a really great underground hero, like eraserhead!

 **SMASHbinch** : yeah! thanks mineta

 **Minoodle** : i should also point out that while a lot of heroes in our school don't have physical quirks, i'm pretty sure most of the top ten do

 **Invisibinch** : that's actually a good point. maybe there is some bias. not enough to justify shinsou being such a jackass, but…

 **serohno** : well bakugou's a jackass and we all put up with him

 **420BlazeIt** : i don't remember ever invading your brain and forcing you to do things against your will

 **dank(i) memes** : yeah lol u have other ways of doing that

 **dank(i) memes** : mainly by screaming, threatening, and explodo-killing

 **420BlazeIt** : how the fuck else am i gonna get you idiots to listen

 **Ribbinch** : have you tried… asking nicely?

 **Less Bien** : burned

 **Yaoyorocha** : someone get todoroki so he can make ice for the burn!

 **Yaoyorocha** : did i do that right?

 **Tara** : that depends on who's teaching you

 **Yaoyorocha** : oh, i'm just trying to learn from all of you!

 **Tara** : then yes, you're doing it right

 **Tara** : good job

 **Yaoyorocha** : thank you! ^_^

 **420BlazeIt** : if i yell then you're more likely to turn around and look at me duh

 **Urararock** : uhhhhh why does that matter

 **420BlazeIt** : because it's easier to talk to you if i can see your face? obviously?

 **Five Peepee Man** : bakugou they don't know

 **#LitBeeyatch** : uh no offense todobroki but how tf do u just "not know"

 **#LitBeeyatch** : y'all've been in the same class for over a year

 **Less Bien** : i mean,,,, i knew,,,,

 **Ultimate Cinnabun** : i knew too!

 **Invisbinch** : same!

 **Tentacoolio** : ^

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : wait what do u guys know that we don't

 **420BlazeIt** : that i'm deaf, apparently

 **Minoodle** : you are?

 **420BlazeIt** : hard of hearing, technically, but it's only a matter of time

 **SMASHbinch** : kacchan did you never tell anyone?

 **420BlazeIt** : MY QUIRK IS EXPLOSIONS AND I LITERALLY WEAR HEARING AIDS IN CLASS WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING IT SHOULD BE FUCKING OBVIOUS DAMMIT

 **Invisibinch** : bakugou we've talked about this people don't always think about that stuff

 **Invisibinch** : i suppose i should mention that i'm blind btw

 **danki(i) memes** : WHAT

 **Less Bien** : ok seriously do any of you understand how eyelids work

 **Iidaho** : I had not thought about that! My deepest apologies!

 **Less Bien** : to be fair, i only know bc the five of us are in the jsl club

 **Tentacoolio** : yeah same

 **Dwayne Johnson** : we should learn sign language too!

 **Urararock** : hang on, i get why bakugou's there but what about you four?

 **Less Bien** : well my hearing is really good but when there's a really loud noise it's hard for me to hear properly

 **Tentacoolio** : same but also i literally don't have a mouth. i can make them on my hands, but if anything happens to my quirk then i wouldn't be able to talk

 **Ultimate Cinnabun** : um… i'm mostly nonverbal bc of autism

 **cook the kiss** : autism affects speech? i didn't know that

 **SMASHbinch** : it can, yeah! and i'm autistic too btw!

 **Ribbinch** : same here!

 **Minoodle** : i'm not but i think one of my little sisters is

 **Minoodle** : she hasn't been diagnosed tho so idk

 **Less Bien** : wait why not

 **Minoodle** : it's complicated lol don't worry about it

 **Iidaho** : I too am autistic!

 **Urararock** : wow, really? that's nearly a fourth of the class!

 **Bubblegum Binch** : nope it's a full fourth – i'm autistic as well!

 **420BlazeIt** : tbh it's more surprising that you have any understanding of fractions

 **Bubblegum Binch** : hey! i'm not a complete moron!

 **420BlazeIt** : really? cuz i seem to remember SOMEONE needing to be walked through every single step of every problem on a certain fraction-related math assignment

 **Bubblegum Binch** : i can't read suddenly i don't know

 **420BlazeIt** : don't bring your fucking memes in here i refuse to have this chat turn into a fucking meme storm

 **#LitBeeyatch** : dw lol u can meme me anytime

 **Bubblegum Binch** : friendship with 1-a ended camie is my new bestie

 **Yaoyorocha** : anyway

 **Bubblegum Binch** : i can't believe yaomomo just murdered us

 **#LitBeeyatch** : rip in pieces w/ me ;3

 **Yaoyorocha** : midoriya, don't forget to talk to shinsou, okay?

 **SMASHbinch** : yeah, i'll go do that now! he should still be awake

 **Iidaho** : Speaking of being awake, we should all be getting ready to do the opposite.

 **#LitBeeyatch** : lmao ttyl y'all

 **SMASHbinch** : night!

 **Invisibinch** : night

 **Ribbinch** : *goodnight croak*

 **Bubblegum Binch** : nsafkjhasfs tsUYU

 **420BlazeIt** : uyu

 **Urararock** : did u just

 **serohno** : he just

 **Iidaho** : Please go to bed

 **Five Peepee Man** : u can't tell me what to do ur not my real dad

 **Yaoyorocha** : Todoroki?

 **Five Peepee Man** : one of my brothers started saying that whenever dad tells him to do something and it's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen so i had to try

 **Five Peepee Man** : he uses it for almost everything

 **Five Peepee Man** : "don't eat desert before dinner"

 **Five Peepee Man** : "stop breaking into my offices and leaving dead birds on my desk"

 **Five Peepee Man** : "if you cause another public scandal then so help me god"

 **SMASHbinch** : is your family okay?

 **Five Peepee Man** : no one related to me by blood is in any way, shape, or form "okay"

 **Iidaho** : you can all go to bed right now or i can tell all might that not a single person in this class knows where babies come from :)))))))

 **dank(i) memes** : gOODNIGHT

 **AN: That was… longer than I meant it to be. Just to be clear, I really do like Shinsou! I'm just kind of sick of people treating him like some sort of flawless godsend. He's a complex character, and it's a disservice to both him and the series as a whole to ignore his flaws. If anyone's wondering, yes, Shinsou will be appearing in person very soon! Next chapter, if I can manage it. I really do think he could be a good hero, but he seriously needs to get over himself first. On top of that, a lot of what the characters say is just from the information that they have. I always see Ojiro and Aoyama just instantly forgiving him, and while I can see Midoriya doing that, it's not a good thing. You don't grow as a person if you aren't forced to face your flaws. Also, I need to make sure you're all aware (assuming you aren't already) that I'm going to have to bring in some headcanons in, especially for the characters with less than fully developed backstories. The brother Todoroki mentioned is technically a canon character, but since neither he nor their other brother have actually been given names or personalities… well, you'll see. I hope you like them, because I honestly think I did really well with those two. I doubt they'll show up, but they'll definitely be mentioned.**

 **Anyway, thank you all so much for reading my story, and please let me know what you think! Kitty out.**


	3. The Todoroki Thot

**AN: Initially, this was a completely different chapter, but I wasn't satisfied with it, so I decided to rewrite it. I might include stuff from the original chapter three in later chapters, but it felt a bit soon. I wanted to put Shinsou in the chat this chapter, but I can't make any promises. If not this one, then definitely the next. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think! Kitty out.**

 **Warnings** : Bakugou and Jirou are Jewish and no one can change my mind on that, not even Horikoshi himself (also Todoroki's brother is a ho, and BakuCamie brotp feels are intensifying)

Chat Names:

Midoriya – SMASHbinch

Uraraka – Urararock

Iida – Iidaho

Bakugou – 420BlazeIt

Kirishima – Dwayne Johnson

Kaminari – dank(i) memes

Ashido – Bubblegum Binch

Sero – serohno

Jirou – Less Bien

Asui – Ribbinch

Hagakure – Invisibinch

Todoroki – Five Peepee Man

Kouda – Ultimate Cinnabun

Mineta – Minoodle

Satou – cook the kiss

Aoyama – twinkle twunkle little star

Yaoyorozu – Yaoyorocha

Ojiro – Wax On, Jack Off

Tokoyami – Tara & bird sciencer

Shouji – Tentacoolio

Camie – #LitBeeyatch

Chapter Three: The Todoroki Thot

 **Bubblegum Binch** : anyone wanna talk about one of todoroki's bros apparently leaving dead birds everywhere?

 **Five Peepee Man** : he's a thot

 **#LitBeeyatch** : nice lmao

 **Less Bien** : khahflfhsa

 **420BlazeIt** : todoroki what the actual fuck

 **Five Peepee Man** : i know you think i'm joking but nope

 **Five Peepee Man** : remember that scandal thing i mentioned? he literally slept with everyone in his year at his school. he's. a. thot.

 **Minoodle** : your brother is my new hero

 **Five Peepee Man** : he has like six people clinging to him at all times and i am 20000% sure he's sleeping with all of them. including the bear.

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : …come again?

 **#LitBeeyatch** : sounds like he will, sooner or later

 **Less Bien** : omfg

 **Five Peepee Man** : you know how some animals like the principal have quirks? well one of his classmates is a grizzly bear. with human intelligence. i've met her a couple times she's pretty nice once you get past the inevitable bone-chilling terror of having a 350kg mass of nigh-unstoppable destruction in your house

 **SMASHbinch** : your brother slept with a bear.

 **Five Peepee Man** : i can't guarantee it but i'm pretty sure

 **Ribbinch** : pardon my french but

 **twinkle twunkle little star** : :/

 **Ribbinch** : what the actual fuck

 **Urararock** : to be fair, tsu, you're a frog

 **Ribbinch** : you got me there

 **Yaoyorocha** : iida is just sitting on the floor staring blankly at his phone what's going on

 **Five Peepee Man** : i told them about toukan

 **Yaoyorocha** : oh my goodness

 **Dwayne Johnson** : bet i can guess what his quirk is

 **Five Peepee Man** : it's a fire quirk

 **cook the kiss** : then why is his name toukan

 **Five Peepee Man** : because when he and his twin were born, dad assumed they'd inherit the quirk of the parent they most resembled. for toukan, it was mom. for hikizu, it was dad. and now toukan has a fire quirk, hikizu has an ice quirk, i've got both, and our sister fuyumi has a headache.

 **serohno** : ok but why'd he put dead birds on your dad's desk

 **Five Peepee Man** : he's very passive-aggressive sometimes

 **dank(i) memes** : only sometimes?

 **Iidaho** : Where does he find all these dead birds? I find this concerning.

 **Invisibinch** : why, do you wanna put dead birds on his dad's desk too?

 **Iidaho** : Of course not! I would never engage in such inappropriate behavior!

 **SMASHbinch** : iida isn't passive-aggressive at all lmao

 **SMASHbinch** : unlike SOME people

 **dank(i) memes** : lskfkjlsaih miDORIYA

 **Yaoyorocha** : no iida has a good point where'd he get the birds

 **#LitBeeyatch** : there's a dealer in mie prefecture

 **Urararock** : it's true i'm the dealer

 **Ribbinch** : please stop selling dead birds to todoroki's bear-fucking thot brother

 **twinkle twunkle little star** : this chat was a mistake you're all cancelled none of you are free from sin

 **Ultimate Cinnabun** : we should go over to class b and talk to shiozaki because all of you need jesus

 **420BlazeIt** : can it, shiksa

 **Less Bien** : bakugou that's kouda

 **420BlazeIt** : *can it, shegetz

 **Less Bien** : no kouda's nice we like him

 **420BlazeIt** : **can it, goy

 **Urararock** : what are those words

 **420BlazeIt** : i'm jewish

 **Less Bien** : same

 **Less Bien** : anyway "goy" is someone who isn't jewish and "shiksa" is the same but rude

 **Less Bien** : and for girls. "shegetz" is for guys

 **cook the kiss** : i didn't know there were jewish people in japan

 **420BlazeIt** : there aren't we just astral project over from our homeland of jew town :/

 **Ultimate Cinnabun** : so… everyone needs jesus except you two

 **420BlazeIt** : yeah

 **Ultimate Cinnabun** : you need moses

 **Less Bien** : he's not wrong

 **420BlazeIt** : no i need david

 **420BlazeIt** : gonna beat the villains with slingshots eat rocks motherfuckers

 **Five Peepee Man** : i called my brother to ask about the birds and he just started laughing maniacally and then hung up what do i do

 **#LitBeeyatch** : text "begone thot" and then block his number

 **Minoodle** : maybe he gets them from the bear. do bears go after birds?

 **Yaoyorocha** : depends on the kind, i think. what kind of birds were they, todoroki?

 **Five Peepee Man** : do i look like a bird sciencer to you

 **Dwayne Johnson** : "bird sciencer"

 **dank(i)** **memes** : "bird sciencer"

 **serohno** : "bird sciencer"

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : "bird sciencer"

 **Tentacoolio** : tokoyami

 **Tara** : no

 **Tentacoolio** : please

 **Ultimate Cinnabun** : do it

 **Tara** : i hate all of you

 **-Tara has changed names-**

 **bird sciencer** : wake me up inside

 **twinkle twunkle little star** : dios mio!

 **Invisibinch** : isn't that spanish?

 **twinkle twunkle little star** : what so just because i speak french i'm not allowed to know spinich?

 **twinkle twunkle little star** : sPANISH I MEANT SPANISH

 **bird sciencer** : join me in hell, spinach man

 **Urararock** : pop-eye doesn't belong in hell you fool

 **bird sciencer** : you don't know that

 **bird sciencer** : YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DONE

 **Bubblegum Binch** : what's he done?

 **Minoodle** : misled the general public on the health benefits of spinach, for starters

 **bird sciencer** : true but why do you know that

 **Minoodle** : i always get distracted when i'm googling stuff so i know lots of random trivia

 **dank(i) memes** : such as?

 **Minoodle** : americans make up around four percent of the world's population but own 42% of the guns in the world

 **Minoodle** : fanta was made in nazi germany

 **Minoodle** : in brazilian restaraunts they serve soup first in case someone tries to rob the customers so the women can hide their jewelry in the soup

 **serohno** : seriously?

 **Minoodle** : well that's what i've read

 **Invisibinch** : i would love to go to brazil

 **Urararock** : i wanna go to italy!

 **Five Peepee Man** : i wanna fling myself into the sun

 **SMASHbinch** : todoroki are you ok

 **Five Peepee Man** : i followed camie's advice but i didn't block him

 **Five Peepee Man** : he sent me a selfie of him with a crown on his head and says he's now to be addressed as "his royal majesty king thotticus, lord of the thots"

 **Minoodle** : pro homo but i would marry your brother

 **dank(i)** **memes** : don't u mean no homo

 **Minoodle** : no i support my gay friends

 **#LitBeeyatch** : noice

 **Five Peepee Man** : half-ice

 **#LitBeeyatch** : b o i

 **420BlazeIt** : don't challenge her to a meme fight she will not lose

 **#LitBeeyatch** : thanks bae 3

 **serohno** : are you SURE you're not dating

 **420BlazeIt** : let her platonically flirt with me in peace

 **#LitBeeyatch** : sexy kidnapping victim solidarity yo

 **420BlazeIt** : ^^^^^

 **Dwayne Johnson** : you two would make out and say it was platonic :/

 **Dwayne Johnson** : just saying

 **420BlazeIt** : it would be tho

 **#LitBeeyatch** : i'd platonically make out w/ u any day lmao

 **Five Peepee Man** : they're just friends

 **Urararock** : how do YOU know :o

 **Five Peepee Man** : i may not know much about romance but i am very good at recognizing the complete lack thereof

 **Iidaho** : Because of your brother?

 **Five Peepee Man** : Sure Let's Go With That

 **Invisibinch** : when our first year started i sorta figured todoroki was gonna be one of those people i'd never have to worry about

 **Invisibinch** : and now i worry about him more than i worry about midoriya

 **SMASHbinch** : i also worry about him more than i worry about me

 **Yaoyorocha** : we've all noticed that midoriya

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : you need to start taking care of yourself man

 **SMASHbinch** : …i know…

 **cook the kiss** : honestly you all need to start learning some life skills

 **cook the kiss** : bakugou and i are the only ones who can reliably cook without a potentially life-threatening disaster

 **Ribbinch** : and midoriya, bakugou, and i are the only ones who know how to use the washing machine

 **Urararock** : the one i'm used to is different leave me alone

 **Dwayne Johnson** : bro why do u know how to do so much stuff

 **420BlazeIt** : i'm fucking amazing and better than all of you that's why

 **Bubblegum Binch** : he can do so many things but he can't talk to other human beings :(

 **SMASHbinch** : i think he's been getting better

 **Urararock** : he's been getting better

 **420BlazeIt** : shut up deku

 **Urararock** : nvm

 **SMASHbinch** : honestly i'm still counting that as improvement from middle school :/

 **SMASHbinch** : I DIDN'T MEAN TO TYPE THAT IGNORE ME

 **Iidaho** : Midoriya, do we need to talk?

 **Ultimate Cinnabun** : iida the last thing any of us want is to get in the middle of That™

 **Ultimate Cinnabun** : let the teachers handle it. or maybe some kind of therapist

 **Yaoyorocha** : seconded

 **Urararock** : thirded

 **dank(i) memes** : forf'd

 **Less Bien** : what the fuck kaminari

 **dank(i) memes** : thirded isn't a word either :/

 **Minoodle** : yeah but "forf'd" looks like the offspring of a fork and that bird pokemon with the leek

 **420BlazeIt** : farfetch'd

 **Yaoyorocha** : Why Do You Know This

 **SMASHbinch** : he has the entire pokedex memorized lmao

 **420BlazeIt** : he says as if he doesn't

 **SMASHbinch** : don't call me out like this kacchan

 **420BlazeIt** : he once drew a picture of himself as a jigglypuff and his mom put it on the refrigerator

 **420BlazeIt** : a million yen says it's still there

 **Urararock** : i support you anyway deku

 **SMASHbinch** : thank you uraraka

 **Urararock** : even if you are jigglypuff kin

 **SMASHbinch** : friendship ended with uraraka now my only friends are all might and todoroki's slutty brother

 **420BlazeIt** : and jigglypuff

 **SMASHbinch** : SHUT UP KACCHAN

 **SMASHbinch** : YOU HAD A SHINY MEDICHAM RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A GENDER VARIATION

 **420BlazeIt** : I WAS FIVE

 **SMASHbinch** : FIVE AND _DISGRACED_

 **Wax On, Jack Off** : we went from todoroki's ho bro to pokemon in under two seconds

 **bird sciencer** : no one in this class is ok

 **#LitBeeyatch** : rip in pieces

 **Less Bien** : no one in this chat is ok

 **#LitBeeyatch** : awwww i feel so included!

 **Minoodle** : wait how'd yaoyorou know about todoroki's brother?

 **Urararock** : all rich people know each other duh

 **Five Peepee Man** : she's been giving me notes whenever i miss class bc of the provisional license thing so we talk sometimes i guess

 **Dwayne Johnson** : just todoroki?

 **Yaoyorocha** : i offered, but bakugou declined

 **Yaoyorocha** : to put it politely

 **dank(i) memes** : dude seriously

 **420BlazeIt** : i don't need her help or anyone else's

 **Bubblegum Binch** : thinking like that could get you killed one day, you know

 **420BlazeIt** : fuck off

 **Dwayne Johnson** : nah man she's right

 **Dwayne Johnson** : i worry about you sometimes bro

 **dank(i) memes** : we know ur independent dude but it's ok to get help sometimes?

 **serohno** : just because you CAN do something on your own doesn't mean you HAVE to

 **Less Bien** : plus there are some things that are literally impossible to do on your own so :/

 **[Camie** **à** **Bakubae]** : i know u don't wanna hear it babe

 **[Camie** **à** **Bakubae]** : but they're right

 **[Katsuki** **à** **Illusion Girl]** : …i know

 **[Katsuki** **à** **Illusion Girl]** : fuck

 **[Camie** **à** **Bakubae]** : no school tomorrow. wanna grab lunch + chat?

 **[Katsuki** **à** **Illusion Girl]** : yeah

 **[Katsuki** **à** **Illusion Girl]** : thanks

 **[Camie** **à** **Bakubae]** : anytime boo :3

 **AN: I'm not as pleased as I could be with this chapter, but I like it better than the last one. I'm mostly just annoyed that I couldn't get Shinsou in this chapter. Next time, I promise. Anyway, if you're familiar with my work, you've probably already figured out that romantic ships aren't going to be too relevant here. As for Midoriya and Bakugou's relationship… I'll get to that, but it'll take a while. Also, this might not remain entirely in chat form. Not sure yet, but it's a possibility.**

 **I'm sure some people are wondering why Bakugou is having an easier time opening up to Camie than, say, Kirishima. The reason is partly that they've both been through similar traumatic events, but also because she's not someone he sees on a regular basis. It's sort of like how talking to an online friend can be easier than talking to an IRL friend sometimes. Even if you don't know them as well (or maybe** ** _because_** **you don't know them as well), there's something about talking about problems to online friends that just feels… safer. I personally am much more likely to talk to my friend on the other side of the planet about an issue I'm having than the guy who lives super close to me and has been one of my best friends for over a decade. Life's weird like that.**

 **Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed this chapter (and poor Todoroki having to deal with his classmates** ** _and_** **wacky family), and please let me know what you think! Kitty out.**


End file.
